The Real Reason You’re Stressed - and Why Quick Fixes Don’t Work

If you’ve ever come back from a holiday, retreat, or long weekend vowing that this time you’ll stay relaxed — only to find yourself back in a state of tension and overwhelm within weeks — you’re not alone.

Australians are more stressed than ever. Research from the Australian Psychological Society shows that nearly 1 in 3 adults report stress levels that impact their physical and mental health, with work being the leading cause. But despite record levels of wellbeing initiatives, meditation apps, and yoga studios, most people say their stress feels unmanageable.

So what’s really going on?

We’ve been trying to manage stress by treating its symptoms, rather than its source.

Why Stress Feels So Hard to Escape

Most high-performing professionals don’t struggle because they’re weak, disorganised, or incapable. They struggle because their brains have been trained — often since childhood — to associate safety, worth, or belonging with certain behaviours.

For some, that might mean striving for constant achievement. For others, it’s keeping the peace, seeking perfection, or proving their value through overwork.

These unconscious “operating systems” — what I call stress patterns — run automatically in the background, influencing how we think, respond, and prioritise under pressure.

They’re not inherently bad; in fact, they’re usually what helped us succeed in the first place. But over time, they become costly.

A mind that’s constantly scanning for danger — or for ways to meet impossible internal standards — keeps the body in a permanent state of vigilance.
That means elevated cortisol, disrupted sleep, inflammation, and eventually burnout.

Why Managing Stress at the Surface Doesn’t Work

When most people feel overwhelmed, they do what they’ve been told will help: they book a weekend away, meditate, go for a run, download another productivity app, or attempt a digital detox.

And while those strategies can help in the short term, they don’t rewire the mental and emotional loops that create the stress in the first place.

It’s like trying to fix a smoke alarm by opening the windows — the noise might stop for a while, but the fire’s still burning.

Until you uncover why your brain keeps running the same stress pattern, you’ll keep returning to the same emotional state, no matter how many surface-level changes you make.

The Four Common Stress Patterns

There are four dominant patterns that are particularly common in high achievers when it comes to stress. Each of them starts as a strategy for success — and ends up driving exhaustion.

1. The Overachiever
   Belief: “I’m only as good as what I achieve.”
   This is when you tie your self worth to what you do. Such as ‘if I am the best at what I do, then I am worthy’. When this is a dominate pattern, you don’t see others as competitors, or something you compare yourself to, because you set the bar higher for yourself. The trap, you keep raising it, so you end up always believing you are not enough. Rest feels unproductive and therefore unsafe. 

2. The Peacekeeper
   Belief: “If everyone else is happy, I’m doing okay.”
   You avoid conflict and prioritise harmony, often at the expense of your own needs. Over time, resentment and burnout set in.

3. The Perfectionist
   Belief: “If I do it perfectly, I’ll be safe.”
   You hold yourself (and often others) to impossible standards. You live in a constant loop of pressure, guilt, and self-criticism. Often as a perfectionist you never complete the task, because you think once completed, then you can be assessed. So safety is in never completing it in the first place.

4. The Prover
   Belief: “I have to show I can handle it all.”
   You pride yourself on being capable and reliable — but struggle to delegate or ask for help. The load eventually becomes unsustainable.

When you operate from one or more of these patterns, you end up chasing relief externally — through control, achievement, or avoidance — instead of addressing the internal belief driving the behaviour.

Why This Matters for Organisations

From a corporate perspective, chronic stress doesn’t just reduce wellbeing — it erodes performance, collaboration, and creativity.

The World Health Organisation now classifies burnout as an “occupational phenomenon,” not a personal failure. Yet most workplaces still focus on managing the effects of stress (like fatigue, absenteeism, or disengagement) rather than the drivers.

What’s often missing from the conversation is emotional self-leadership — the ability for individuals to understand and regulate their own thought patterns, rather than outsourcing that responsibility to external factors.

When leaders model this, teams become calmer, communication improves, and people start responding thoughtfully instead of reacting defensively.

How to Start Reducing Stress — For Good

The solution isn’t about adding more routines or resilience training. It’s about building awareness of your patterns and learning to manage your inner world differently.

Here are three steps to begin:

1. Notice your triggers.
   When do you feel your shoulders tense or your breath shorten? What situations make you feel the need to prove, fix, or control?

2. Question the story behind it.
   Ask yourself, “What am I making this mean about me?” Often, our stress isn’t about the workload — it’s about what we believe it says about who we are.

3. Create internal safety.
   Instead of seeking reassurance from others or from outcomes, learn to generate calm within yourself — through awareness, boundaries, and self-trust.

The Real Work of Change

Reducing stress doesn’t mean eliminating challenge or pressure. It means rewiring the unconscious beliefs that make you interpret everything as a threat.

That’s why I created The Real Reason You’re Stressed Workbook — a free guide that helps you identify your dominant stress pattern and start shifting it.

Inside, you’ll uncover:

• The hidden belief driving your stress

• How it shows up in your work and relationships

• A simple action to help you reduce it for good

Because when you understand the real reason you’re stressed, you can finally change it — not by doing more, but by leading yourself differently.

Final Thought

Stress isn’t a sign you’re failing — it’s a signal that something deeper needs your attention.
The more you understand your patterns, the more choice you have over how you respond.

And when you stop trying to control everything around you, you regain control over the one thing that truly matters — yourself.

Download your free workbook: The Real Reason You’re Stressed
Plus: Get access to a complimentary 40-minute coaching session to help you apply it to your life and work. Book Now