Get more pleasure
For a long time, food was my main source of pleasure.
At the end of a long day — after giving so much of myself to work, family, and everyone else — I’d reward myself with a glass of wine. That one glass would turn into two or three. I’d add some chocolate, maybe a little popcorn to “balance it out.”
What started as a small reward became a nightly ritual of numbing — one that left me feeling worse, not better.
I’d wake up the next day disappointed in myself, convinced I lacked willpower or self-control. And ironically, that shame often sent me right back to the same pattern: more wine, more food, more trying to “take the edge off.”
It wasn’t that I was weak. I was simply trying to meet a very human need — the need for pleasure, for release, for a moment of exhale — in the only way I knew how.
The Missing Ingredient
What I eventually realised was that outside of food (and wine), I didn’t have many other ways to unwind or reward myself.
Like many clients I have coached, I had built a life filled with responsibility and achievement — but not much genuine pleasure.
And the few ways I did try to relax were actually creating more stress and self-criticism, not less.
So I began experimenting.
I tried walking my dog after dinner, listening to music I loved, having a dance party in the kitchen with my son, or pouring a sparkling herbal tea into a crystal glass just for the ritual of it. I’d light a candle, sit on the couch, and simply be.
At first, these things didn’t feel nearly as rewarding as a big glass of wine. My brain was used to the instant dopamine hit of sugar and alcohol. But with consistency and curiosity, something started to shift.
I began to notice that the sense of calm I got from these new rituals actually lasted. I didn’t wake up the next morning with regret, shame, or that sinking feeling of being out of control.
The Truth About “Taking the Edge Off”
When I used food or wine to unwind, I was only telling myself half the story.
I told myself it helped me relax — and for a brief moment, it did.
But I ignored the part that came after: the guilt, the sluggishness, and the quiet voice that said, “Why did I do that again?”
When I started finding other ways to experience pleasure — ones that were aligned with the version of myself I wanted to become — I felt calmer, more in control, and more connected to who I really was.
And interestingly, when I did choose to enjoy a glass of wine, I could genuinely savour it. I wasn’t using it to escape myself. I didn’t need the second or third glass to feel good.
It stopped feeling desperate — and started feeling like a choice.
The Real Work: Giving Yourself What You Need
So much of what we do to “feel better” — overworking, overthinking, overeating, overdrinking — isn’t actually about pleasure. It’s about relief.
A momentary escape from the pressure we’ve built up inside.
But real pleasure — the kind that nourishes instead of numbs — comes from actions that are aligned with your values, not reactions to your stress.
If you want to identify where you might be chasing the wrong kind of pleasure, ask yourself:
What am I hoping this will make me feel?
How long does that feeling actually last?
What do I feel afterwards?
What could I do instead that gives me the same feeling, without the negative aftertaste?
More Pleasure, Less Pressure
In my Break the Cycle coaching program, I help women uncover these unconscious patterns — the ways they try to soothe stress that actually keep them stuck in it — and replace them with intentional habits that bring genuine calm, confidence, and joy.
When you learn to meet your real needs instead of reacting to your urges, everything changes:
✨ Food stops being the main event.
✨ Pleasure becomes something you create — not something you chase.
✨ And self-trust grows stronger with every aligned choice you make.
Because when you stop outsourcing pleasure to a glass, a packet, or a moment of escape, you start discovering that the real pleasure comes from being at peace with yourself.
