How to keep your new year resolutions

The start of a new year always feels full of possibility.

We make resolutions.
We set intentions.
We promise ourselves: This year will be different.

This will be the year we finally launch that project, write the book, change jobs, set better boundaries, drink less, stress less, connect more. We imagine the future version of us who’s ticked all the boxes—and how amazing it’ll feel to get there.

Some of us (yes, myself included) even write a letter from our future self, describing what life looks and feels like once the goal is done.

We know what we want. We have the vision and sometimes even the plan.
But where so many of us get tripped up—is life.

The walk gets skipped because we’re tired or work ran late.
The project gets pushed back because the kids are sick.
The "just 5 minutes" on the couch turns into hours of scrolling or procrastinating.
We say yes to something we don’t really want to do, just to avoid disappointing others.

We delay. We avoid. We numb.
And then we feel guilty.
So we beat ourselves up, which makes us feel worse—so we go looking for comfort all over again.

This is the loop that keeps so many people stuck.
Not because they’re lazy or unmotivated. But because they’ve never been taught how to navigate the very human brain that wants comfort, ease, and familiarity.

The problem isn’t your goal.
The problem is no one ever taught you the skill of following through—even when it’s hard.

It’s like being dropped in the middle of the desert with the right coordinates, but no compass. You know where you want to go. You even know how to get there. But you don’t have the tools to help you stay the course.

Most plans tell you what to do—but they rarely teach you how to follow through when life throws a curveball or your motivation disappears.

Here’s the thing:
Your brain is designed to keep you safe and efficient.
That means it loves doing things that are familiar—even if those things aren’t aligned with your goals.

So every time you try to change something, even if it’s for the better, your brain resists. It sees the unknown as a threat, because it takes more energy and effort.

But here’s the good news: your brain also loves efficiency. Which means if you can stick with a new habit or way of thinking long enough, it becomes familiar—and suddenly it’s your brain’s new favourite shortcut.

The key is to expect resistance, not take it personally.
And to reduce uncertainty wherever you can.

One of the tools I teach clients (and use myself) is this:
When you set a goal, list out all the possible obstacles that might get in your way. Then, for each one, come up with a simple, specific action to navigate it.

Here’s an example:

Goal: Start working on my creative side project again.
Obstacle: I’m exhausted after work and just want to zone out.
Action: I’ll set a 30-minute timer the night before, and choose one tiny task to do—no decisions in the moment. I’ll also create a ritual (music, tea, comfy space) that makes it feel rewarding to show up.

This works because it helps reduce decision fatigue and builds a sense of agency.
You’re not just reacting—you’re proactively choosing.

Another tip: Create desire for your decisions ahead of time.

Desire is often the decider. So rather than white-knuckling your way through temptations or distractions, build genuine excitement for the action you want to take. Visualise how you’ll feel afterward. Remind yourself why it matters.

That sense of pride when you show up for yourself? That’s the real reward. And the more often you experience that, the more your brain will associate your goals with something positive and familiar.

So let me ask you:

Where have you set a goal—but keep getting caught in the loop of resistance?
What’s one obstacle you can plan for—and how will you respond next time it shows up?

Remember: you’re not undisciplined. You’re not failing.
You just haven’t been taught how to work with your brain—yet.

And that’s a skill worth learning.