How to be more self confident
For years, I believed that if I just achieved a certain outcome—whether it was a promotion, a relationship, or ticking the next goal off my list—I’d finally feel confident. I thought success would bring self-assurance. But I learned the hard way: achieving the goal doesn’t automatically create confidence.
I’ve had moments where I reached the milestone I’d worked so hard for, and yet I still didn’t feel secure in myself. That nagging self-doubt was still there. That’s when I realised: confidence isn’t something you get after achieving your goal. It’s something you build while you go after it.
So what actually creates self-confidence?
The dictionary defines it as “a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.”
Confidence is not about being fearless or always getting it right—it’s about having your own back, regardless of the outcome.
Through coaching and my own growth, I’ve found that confidence comes from three powerful pillars:
1. Trusting Yourself
Real confidence begins with self-trust. That means knowing you will follow through on what you said you would do. It means doing what’s best for you, even when motivation dips, even when no one else is watching.
So many high-achieving women I work with hope they’ll follow through… but that hope is tinged with doubt. True self-confidence is built through consistent action and evidence. You start to believe in yourself because you see yourself showing up.
If you’ve been stuck in self-doubt, ask yourself:
✨ What’s one small promise I can make—and keep—this week?
2. Willingness to Feel Any Emotion
Confidence isn’t the absence of fear or nerves—it’s your willingness to feel those emotions and keep going anyway.
Think of the last time you held yourself back: maybe it was speaking up in a meeting, going after a promotion, or setting a boundary. Chances are, what stopped you wasn’t lack of skill—it was the fear of how you'd feel if it didn’t go well.
Confidence grows when you allow yourself to experience discomfort: rejection, awkwardness, even failure. If you know you can feel any emotion and survive it, you become unstoppable.
3. Choosing Empowering Thoughts About Yourself
Your self-confidence is directly tied to your opinion of yourself. Most of us are walking around with a mental playlist of self-criticism and doubt on loop. But here’s the thing: your thoughts are not facts. They’re habits.
Start intentionally feeding your brain new thoughts—ones that align with the kind of woman you’re becoming. Think:
“I am capable.”
“I figure things out.”
“My voice matters.”
Confidence doesn’t mean thinking you’re perfect. It means thinking you’re enough—even when you’re still growing.
The Confidence Blockers You Might Not Notice
You might be telling yourself:
“I’m just not that confident.”
“I wasn’t born that way.”
“People like me don’t do that.”
“It has to be perfect or I’ve failed.”
These beliefs might feel true—but they’re not fixed. They’re just old thoughts, and you can change them.
Confidence Is Built, Not Found
Here’s what I want you to know:
You are born with or without self confidence.
Self-confidence isn’t something you earn by being more accomplished, polished, or perfect.
It’s something you create—one small act of courage at a time.
Your brain might resist this. It will default to fear, doubt, and the familiar. But you can retrain it. You can learn to back yourself. And when you do, the goals you once thought were out of reach start to feel like a natural next step.
So ask yourself this week:
👉 What would be possible for me if I trusted myself a little more?
👉 What would I try if I was willing to feel uncomfortable?
👉 What’s one belief about myself I’m ready to let go of?
Let your confidence grow from who you are becoming, not just what you achieve.
