How over desires impacts our ability to achieve our goals
One of the biggest challenges I see in goal achievement — whether it’s in your career, your relationships, your wellbeing, or personal development — is that most programs only address the actions you need to take. They rarely address the underlying desire that drives you to make those choices in the first place.
But desire plays a huge role in your ability to follow through on your goals.
And if we don’t understand and manage our desires — especially when they show up in sneaky or unhelpful ways — they can easily derail us.
We all have desires. That’s not the problem.
The problem arises when one desire overpowers another — especially when that desire is linked to short-term relief or pleasure rather than long-term fulfilment.
For example, many people aim for big goals like creating more balance in their week, building a business, writing a book, getting a promotion, or waking up earlier. But when the moment comes to act in alignment with that goal, a different desire shows up:
The desire to avoid discomfort.
The desire to feel better right now.
The desire to delay, scroll, snack, nap, or say yes when you meant to say no.
These desires often feel more urgent than the quiet, long-term desire of “I want something better for myself.” And if we’re not aware of this tug-of-war, it’s easy to keep falling into the same patterns that hold us back.
The brain and the pleasure trap
Our brains are wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy. That means anything that feels easier or more enjoyable in the moment will win — unless you’ve done the work to build awareness and intention.
It’s not about eliminating pleasure — not at all. In fact, I believe pleasure and joy are essential to a meaningful life. But when a short-term desire is your only or main source of joy (like a scroll break, a treat, a glass of wine, or a dopamine hit from ticking off easy tasks), it can interfere with the progress you truly want to make.
If your goal feels like deprivation, but the distraction feels like comfort — it’s not hard to see what wins.
What are you really seeking?
Often when we delay or distract ourselves, it’s not because we’re lazy or undisciplined — it’s because we’re trying to feel better.
We’re tired.
Overwhelmed.
Under-appreciated.
Stretched too thin.
I used to hit a 3pm slump where I’d crave a sugar or caffeine boost. Not because I was hungry, but because I was mentally drained. It wasn’t until I asked myself “What am I really after?” that I realised what I needed wasn’t sugar — it was energy, relief, and a reset.
I experimented with a new approach:
Instead of the snack, I made myself a sparkling herbal tea and stepped outside for a short walk. At first, my brain hated it. But over time, it became the reset I looked forward to — and it gave me what I actually needed.
Desire management = goal achievement
Learning to manage desire is a core part of achieving any goal. It’s not about suppression — it’s about understanding and redirecting.
Start by noticing when your short-term desires show up.
Ask yourself what you're really seeking. Is it comfort? Control? Connection?
Create alternative ways to meet that need — ones that support your goal instead of undermining it.
Over time, the small, consistent changes you make — like pausing, choosing something different, honouring your own plan — become the building blocks of self-trust.
And here’s the real shift:
The more you honour your long-term desires, the less intense the pull of the short-term ones becomes.
Try this simple reflection exercise:
Choose one time of day or situation where you often feel pulled off course.
Write down what you usually do. What’s the behaviour you’re trying to shift?
Ask yourself what you're really seeking in that moment.
Brainstorm 2–3 new ways you could give yourself what you need — without sabotaging your bigger goal.
Commit to trying it once this week. Notice how you feel after.
If you want to create real, lasting change — in any area of your life — you have to get curious about your desires.
What are you chasing?
What are you avoiding?
And how can you realign your choices so they support the life you really want?
Big change doesn’t come from grand gestures. It comes from these small, intentional shifts — done consistently.
