Getting out of a rut
As kids, we often dream big. We have all these ideas of what we want to be when we grow up. For many of us, we dream of finishing school, going to uni, travelling overseas, building a career, finding a partner, getting married, buying a house, having kids, and enjoying life.
A lot of us achieve what we set out to do as kids. Some of it makes us happy; some leaves us with bruises. But for so many of us, somewhere along the line, we stop dreaming.
We stop dreaming about what we want to create with the rest of our lives and instead focus on what we wish we had done differently. We go to uni, travel, get the job, find the partner, buy the house, have the kids—but then it's like, now what?
So often, we are so busy surviving our lives that we don’t stop to consider our dreams. We lose faith that we’ll be able to get what we want, so we think daydreaming is frivolous. If we do dream, we seem to dream smaller, to soften the blow of disappointment. But then we tell ourselves we are just being realistic.
But getting what you want out of your life is not exhausting—it’s energising. So many clients say they can’t go after what they want because they don’t have the energy, but they are exhausted because they are swimming against the current of their own lives.
Going after what you want doesn’t deplete you. Trying to change what has already passed is what will deplete you. Running through the daily motions without questioning if it’s what you want—that’s what drains you.
Many of my clients come to me ashamed to admit how they’re feeling—just trying to get through the days. They’re ashamed to be complaining and wanting more, but they’re also deeply sad because they feel like they don’t have anything to look forward to.
For so many, they haven’t even considered what they want. They know what every one of their family members, neighbours, and parents want, but they haven’t allowed themselves to truly consider what they want.
Life feels like it’s on autopilot. Wake up (tired), get the kids ready for school, go to work, pick the kids up, cook dinner, put away washing, scroll aimlessly on Instagram before falling asleep—repeat. Weekends are overscheduled, running from one thing to another, only to leave you more depleted and looking forward to the new week just to get back into routine.
If this sounds familiar—if you feel like your best days are behind you, if you’re simply trying to survive the day—I want to encourage you to take time and start to consider what it is that you really want.
What are the outcomes you want for the rest of your life?
Do you want more connection with friends?
Do you want to learn a new skill?
Have a strong, intimate relationship with your partner?
Do you want to be an amazing mother?
Do you want to start your own business?
Or feel less overwhelmed?
Do you want to build your dream home?
Build memories with your family?
Whatever it is, I want you to dream big. Think about the top 10 outcomes you want to create in your life, and then circle your top five.
Next, I encourage you to look at how you spend your day. Complete a time audit—record how you spend your time, and then identify how much of your daily life contributes to your top outcomes. How aligned is your daily routine with the outcomes you want to create?
If having a connected and intimate relationship with your partner is one of your top outcomes, then how much time do you spend building that? Do you have scheduled date nights? Do you consider how you can build connection each day? Or is your time spent wishing they were different and unintentionally creating disconnection?
Last night, after I made an unnecessary comment to my partner, he asked, “Do you think saying every thought that pops into your head is useful?” Immediately, it hit home. It was a great reminder that if I want a connected and intimate relationship with my partner, then saying everything that pops into my head is probably not the best way to build connection—it may, in fact, create disconnection.
So if you don’t feel energised about what you’re working towards and instead find yourself more often looking wistfully or regretfully back, I encourage you this week to spend time thinking about what it is you want to achieve in the life you have left.
Dream. Imagine what it is you want to create—don’t hold yourself back. How do you want to spend your days? How do you want to feel?
This week, take 30 minutes to reflect.
List 10 outcomes you want to create in the next phase of your life. Circle the five that light you up. Then commit to small, daily or weekly actions that move you closer.
It doesn’t have to be perfect.
But it can be more energising, more fulfilling, and more aligned.
And it all starts with letting yourself dream again.
